My Writing

I type out all the weird thoughts and opinions that shouldn't leave my brain and put them on the internet for millions to read.

Sometimes people even pay me for it! Sites I've written for include Post Grad Problems, Chicken Soup For The Soul, and Thought Catalog.

Here are a few of my favorites!

No Service Means No Worries

A couple of months before I started high school, my parents gave me the greatest gift any teenage boy could ask for: a cellphone. I lived on that phone all summer with my face buried in...

Drunken Chef: A Review Of My Recent Late Night Meals

Thanks for tuning in to Drunken Chef, America’s premier after-hours cooking show. This week, we will be judging the culinary creations of Noam Paoletti as he stumbles into his kitchen...

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Realistic Relationship Milestones

Every relationship has milestones. Moments when the seriousness goes up a level. Events that signify a deepening of the commitment. Things like becoming exclusive, moving in with...

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The Weirdest Conversations I've Had With My Landlord

I’m not going to deny it, I have a strange living situation. My apartment is a two-bedroom unit of a house that sits almost directly under the train tracks. Neither room has a closet, but instead...

A Modern Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, deep in an enchanted forest, in a far-away land, there lived a young prince. Well, technically it wasn’t an enchanted forest, it was Central Park. And he didn't live in the park...

An Accurate Description Of What
You Do, Depending On Your Job

Being an adult often just means repeating the same conversations, over and over again, until you die. But the biggest offender is the always-present: “So, what do you do for a living?”